“Let them know about the vulnerabilities of your heart!”

That is what a very wise author said to me today. I was so lucky to stand in her office – with hundreds of books, ideas, and histories from her life, sewn together in a great mixture of colors.”You have to let them know about your deepest feelings, the vulnerabilities of your heart!”

So I`ll do that, cause she is, as I said, a very wise lady.

What is the purpose behind my book? It is in fact very easy, but also very difficult to grasp. I am this kind of person who has ideas. Lots of ideas. Pictures, constantly streaming, with new concepts, projects, sentences, colour-mixes, melodies, videos, sequences… feelings. Poems, systems, technology (!!!), and loads of stories. Characters just pops up, right there in my imagination. It`s like they`re alive, looking at me, smiling, always with this wise smile, and I know that I need to write about them. This is something I seldom tell people, cause I am afraid to be misunderstood.

How can I explain what I see? Constantly? Even though I function as a completely normal person, I can sit down, and let myself be drawn into new, or old ideas which I have created from before. I can not see anything at all, or I can have this big moments of inspirations, or I can have it all the time. The last one is the most tiresome, but the most exiting. This is why I am so very tired much of the time: I want to explore, and I choose this way of thinking. Practical duties in my every day life has, however, helped me to come down and function in the day-to-day life more efficiently: I find myself turned “off”.

I was 15 years old, the first time I started with this form of creativity. Since that, it has been a big part of me, a part of my personality. I struggle to find myself without it – or would I live without it?

“I can see that”, I told her. “But I still don`t understand. You have, at least, something to teach others, you have a system, you have something with real contents. I just have fantasy – and what is that?”
She looked at me, as I waved my hand in the air, like I was telling that my fantasy meant nothing, and her words hit my chest as she continued. “Oh, but you see, you have to nourish your quality, very few have, what you have.” She pointed up to her patents. “This, was created in what I call the “Indigo zone”, everything I have created,” she turned around in the room – “started in the Indigo zone. Your imagination, is the most powerful thing that you have!”
I looked at her, and my chest was pounding.
“I`ve written a book about a boy who one day suddenly gets an alien boy in his room – who wants to taste chocolate?”
“Wonderful! You have to continue using what you see, in a context, in stories. In this way, you can create, and you can help people – first of all if you tell them about the vulnerabilities of your heart!”

And therefore, I want you to know about my vulnerabilities:

1) I am afraid that I`m crazy.
2) I am afraid that I am too weird.
3) I am afraid that no one will like my story.
4) I am afraid that everyone will hate my story.
5) I am afraid of negative reviews.
6) I feel that my story doesn`t matter.
7) I feel that my morale, feelings about right and wrong, my creativity and my wish to share that, doesn`t matter.

So, how did that feel, you may be wondering?

It felt wonderful.

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